this is my blog from myspace. the entries are newest at the top down to oldest.

THIS MABON I AM THANKFUL I DIDNT BREAK ANYTHING THIS WEEK...
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

i wish i could be a little more up but my baby is having some serious problems in school with acting out and hurting other kids. he was suspended from the bus for a week. he is going to start seeing a therapist and is grounded for the week. his doc better get his head out of his ass and start to help my kid or im going elsewhere. im almost at the end of my rope here. i dont know how to make him not hurt. he says his brain gets all scrambly and his tummy feels all grrr and he is angry or wants to cry all the time but he doesnt know why. my heart is breaking for him. but i have to stay strong for his sake.

i finally got his dad to realize there is a real problem here.

i cried myself to sleep this evening before work.

oh wait i am also thankful for my meds and therapy without which i think i would have had a breakdown this week.

i am also thankful i have a desmond free day tomorrow(i know that sounds bad) where i can at least enjoy pagan pride and forget about my cares here on aquidneck island for a day. and look forward to being off the next two days afterward.

ok that is about all im going to say on that topic as i am starting to seriously bum myself out again.(ok starting to cry again.)

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September 20, 2007 - Thursday

OOPS! THEY DID IT AGAIN!
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

once again my job has managed to stick it to me and set off yet another bloggy rant that i am starting to become famous for on myspace. oh god how i am thankful for myspace this thanksgiving/mabon!! (ill address that in a separate and happier blog.) i see my therapist once a week and myspace takes care of me the rest of the week. free therapy. thanks tom!

the four hours of overtime i worked last friday?

yep you guess it...i got screwed. i got paid for fifteen lousy minutes of overtime.

seriously folks wtf. was i really so bad in a previous life? if my knee didnt hurt so bad id throw a wicked hissy fit right now. grrrrrrrr! and of course the payroll person is out today with a migraine. convenient. like the owner being out of town. sound paranoid? you would too in my shoes.

let's see...how have i been screwed so far in the past just over two years...let me count the ways...

promised upon hire full time year round...lie 1

promised one lousy fucking weekend off during the summer(pretty reasonable request if you ask me)...lie 2 i have to throw a tantrum and threaten to quit to get a fri or sat off and i dont dare ask for both. oh no cant do that. im not allowed to have a life. I WORK EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND. EVERY SINGLE ONE FOLKS. and i get shit on no matter how good a job i do. i got a lousy .25 raise this year with a score of 3 out of 5. a 3, my ass!

after being laid off, offered full time year round at a newly acquired propery til the gm had a hissy fit and didnt want to share me with another gm under the same owner so...lie 3

co worker wrongfully terminated(that is a whole different story for her to tell) and i was offered her full time spot at yet another property to have it taken away cuz some guy had a degree...nevermind that i knew the property and the one im at is easier for a newbie...lie 4 oh yea and nevermind it wasnt a HOSPITALITY degree. it is for accouting..we are not accountants.

also offered full time at still another property but bumped again(although in this case i was gratreful as i cant afford to get to the property and one of my betches got the job so i had a chat buddy at night.)..still lie 5 though(oh but then i was offered front desk when she knows full well i cant work anything but third. FUCK YOU CRYPTY!)

i have been promised requests i had put in and had them taken back, the first four months i worked there my check was wrong EVERY FUCKING WEEK.

and there are the countless little irritations like me having to go hunting for dishes at 6am for breakfast, not having thawed oj to make backup...having to pick up the part time auditors slack...oh i could go on.

did i mention i get no benefits from this place?

and now i have a messed up paycheck and the mess with the $500 check that is not resolved yet and all around when rent is coming due. and when i bitch the gm has the audacity to tell me to "chill" once again i say fuck you crypty. you fucking chill.

oh yea and im told i need to make this job more of a priority. ok everyone laugh heartily with me now. that was a good one , you have to admit. :)

so i ask you...

am i paying off some karmic debt or something? that is it. from now on i am just phoning it in. fuck that place. i cant wait til the job market opens up again. i am so out of here!

my knee is sore and swollen but a little better. i managed to walk on it. i am going to pick up desmond from school for a while and if he likes it enough he is becoming a walker. no more drama. talked to one of his teachers and seems hes doing "extraordinarily well" in all areas except the afternoon bus. hint...he is on one of the last buses to leave and he is the second to last kid let off. no wonder hes irritable. hes only six! that is a long day for someone not used to it. i think walking with me will get the blood pumping though and he will be in better spirits. hell with me picking him up he can even get in a little extra playground time before we head home...a short walk by the way. and a nice way for us to spend the afternoon together. it will be good for me too! :)

oh SUPPOSEDLY we are finally getting our new dishwaser we have been waiting two months (and paying full rent at this place) for. ill believe that when i see it.

next week is looking like a busy one. therapy for me, a meeting with desmonds teachers, and open house at his school. wonder if ill get his dad to go? i expect to see the dishwasher or not get screwed by my job first! lol

speaking of my job...guess who got asked to go in early tomorrow night...

on the upside i havent hurt myself yet today. (knock on wood)

well im off to get my kid. see ya!

love,

tura

Currently watching :
Miami Vice (Unrated Director's Cut)
Release date: 05 December, 2006

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September 19, 2007 - Wednesday

DAMN! QUIT RUBBING MY BOOB...IT AIN'T GONNA BRING YOU NO LUCK!
Current mood: loved
Category: Life

ok you had to be there to get that one...anyway...

remember that pulled muscle in my back? cancel that...it is full on fucked up now. but before i get to that let me begin and the beginning...

as you all know desmond has been having a bit of trouble on the bus. well i got bitched at again by the bus driver threatening AGAIN to write him up. i say fucking kick his ass off the bus and quit threatening me. ill walk his ass to school! hell its close enough! anything to stop his incessant(the driver) pissing and moaning. i was told by another kid these kids started shit with my kid. and mine is being singled out? fuck that! let me get a hold of these kids parents...then there is gonna be a ruckus. is this how they raise their kids? they are either bullies or they are snobby little shits who sit in mommy or daddys car til the bus gets there. in winter i get that, but september? come on! desmond doesnt need the little fuckers. he has plenty of friends in the actual school. and he and i have loads of fun on our own at the stop anyway. walking together may actually be beneficial to both of us in more ways than one.

ok so i get bitched at and im telling desmond to come off the bus which he doesnt want to do since he can clearly see i am pissed. we talk. or i talk and he starts bawling his eyes out and calling himself stupid kid and asking whats wrong with him. my heart totally goes out since i can relate...hello on meds for anxiety now. i honestly think that is his problem. adhd? i dont think so. the kid moved three times in one year. why dont those geniuses start there? so we walk to the office to drop off the movies we borrowed and its locked so desmond loses it again. i know damn well this isnt why hes upset but he keeps insisting it is and finally he admits he is all stressed cuz he thinks we are gonna move again which i try repeatedly to reassure him isnt going to happen. that of course will take time and patience to prove to him. he needs to feel secure. i am so glad we are in a stable living situation finally. we sit on the steps for a bit and he cries as i hold him. he says his brain is all scrambly, his tummy is all grrr and he feels angry or like he wants to cry all the time. oh yea can you say guilt trip? so we discuss getting him a therapist he can see each week for play therapy since he is convinced he cant tell me he is angry at me. so the calls start tomorrow.

he asked me to carry him and since my back was feeling mostly better i said yes. unfortunately when you are carrying a 6 yr old you cant see where you are stepping...

the next few seconds happened so fast...i took a misstep and pitched forward. scared that i might fall on desmond or send him flying i cradled him between my knees and arms and go crashing on my hands and knees. omg the pain! right on the concrete. im lucky i didnt break anything or at least sprain since my right foot was caught and twisted. i yelped and my eyes filled with tears but my first thought was desmond who thankfully was ok. of course he was worried about me so i had to pull it together. he freaked a little when he saw how ripped up my left knee was but i assured him i was ok and wed take care of it together at home. we were only at the building next to ours after all. i could have called my mom but she is just getting ready to return to work. didnt want to bother or upset her. she would have freaked...in fact she did when i showed it to her at the apartment. desmond offered to carry his own backpack and help me home. sweet but i was able to limp on my own. its a little swollen and sore and my back hurts like hell. in fact i feel like i went to hell and back.

i rest with ice and we have dinner which of course desmond doesnt want...i suspect its because i didnt cook it. i let it go and we all look forward to going to my brothers film festival that started today...til sunday folks so get your asses there! lol desmond is irritable and my mom is irritable due to stress over missing work and its making des worse. finally after much whining and me ready to knock both their heads together(and to think i am still stressed on meds with these two!) i decided desmond and i need some quiet one on one time so we stay home and settle in for a quiet night.

first he starts with a nice relaxing bath with scented oils that help with anxiety and depression...geranium and bergumut plus some third one. i have to order some more! i love that stuff! we also have some nice incense burning and a soothing chanting cd. desmond slowly mellows right out. he agrees with my philosophy. there isnt much a nice warm soak in the tub wont cure. the bath is followed by a nice backrub with lavender oil and we snuggle up on the sofa to watch a dvd. we talk some more and before the thing is even over he asks me if i will tuck him in since he is so sleepy.

so i sleep too. and now im here. i hurt bad but my peace of mind is restored in spite of worrying about my son. he finally confided in me that he is upset with me for all the moving around and he is upset he doesnt have friends there to play with. bad, true, but also good. it means we are communicating at last and i now have something tangeable i can work out with him. he sees how good i feel after therapy so he was all over that idea. i am also going to look into a play group in the area. there are either no kids where we live or its more of those little antisocial kids with the snobby yuppie parents. well find something. hell we live close to michaels so maybe we can enlist in a craft class with other kids.

this makes me so thankful i am not dealing with school and as much as i like this new guy he isnt overly demanding of my time so i can focus on my baby and helping him to feel less scrambly and grrr. he sounds just like me...wonder if we will end up with the same diagnosis? oh by the way, he has managed to mangle himself a bit this week too. seems the klutz gene can be passed on. if my kid was here id give him a big hug right now. we are two peas, he and i, tripping over our own shadows. not that i wouldnt love him anyway but having so much in common including our emotional stuff makes our bond that much stronger.

well i am off to rest on the couch and watch a little law and order so have a great night folks!

love,

tura

ps oh i almost forgot! lol the boob comment...

des suddenly started rubbing away like i was a magic lamp. im like did theres no genie in there so quit rubbing my boob...it aint gonna bring you no luck. (in a silly voice and yes i know that is terrible grammar.) my mom and her friend becky were in tears after that comment. lol

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HELP SUPPORT INDIE FILMMAKERS IN SOUTHERN NEW ENGLAND VIA CAFE PRESS!!!
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Art and Photography

whether you can or can not make it to the film festival here in newport, rhode island this week, you can still help by checking out the shop and purchasing merchandise that will help raise funds for next year's festival and future film endeavors by our local artists.

ventura

also, add these folks as your friends.

http://www.myspace.com/curtisstewart

visit the store!

http://www.cafepress.com/SNEIFF

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September 18, 2007 - Tuesday

SOUTHERN NEW ENGLAND INDEPENDENT FILM FESTIVAL SCHEDULE!!!
Current mood: chipper
Category: Art and Photography

EVERYONE BE SURE TO REPOST!!!

subject to change. all blank spots are "to be announced". updates available here as i get them.

ventura

Southern New England Independent Film Festival

Day 1

5-7pm Filmmaker meet -n- greet

7pm "Miscreant"

7:40pm "Furia"

7:50pm "The Virgin and the Demon"

8:30pm "People Lead Such Important Lives"

9:10pm "The Act of Murder"

9:20pm "The Institution of Love"

10:20pm "Common Ground"

Day 2

5-6pm Filmmaker meet -n- greet

6pm "Charisma" (premiere)

6:05pm "The Sinning Flesh"

6:45pm "Hiking in Hell's Heels"

7:20pm "One Arm Bandit"

7:35pm "Crash Pad"

7:55pm "The Institution of Love"

8:55pm "People Lead Such Important Lives"

9:40pm "Il Vitima"

Day 3

5-7pm Filmmakers meet -n- greet

7pm "Charisma"

7:05pm "One Arm Bandit"

7:20pm "C.A.'s" (Campus Avengers)

8:05pm "New York"

9:05pm

9:35pm

Day 4

5-6pm Filmmakers meet -n- greet

6pm "Il Vitima"

7pm "Furia"

7:10pm "New York"

8:10pm "C.A.'s" (Campus Avengers)

9pm "Miscreant"

9:40pm

10:10pm

Day 5

5-7pm Filmmakers meet -n- greet

7pm "Common Ground"

7:40pm "Crash Pad"

8pm "The Virgin and the Demon"

8:40pm "The Act of Murder"

8:50pm "The Sinning Flesh"

9:30pm

10:10pm "Hiking in Hell's Heels"

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WARNING: PARENTS OF GIRLS AGE 3 TO 10-KEEP YOUR DAUGHTERS INSIDE...BABY MACK IS ON THE PROWL
Current mood: amused
Category: proud Life

i was informed by my oh so charming little boy today that at school he...

"told a girl i love her and she kissed me on the cheek." (big grin accross his face.)

he got a hi five from me and his uncle bryan! oh yea, this is DEFINITELY my kid. lol

sadly enough he also got put on the wall during recess for a time out for saying "crap on a crutch" when a girl took too long on the slide. he has me to thank for the lack of patience and his dad to thank for that lovely expression.

what makes me proud is desmond volunteered this information to me. i never had to hear it from a teacher. that gets another hi five from me.

i can see his myspace page someday...his quote would be something like..

"come plant a nice juicy one on desmonds cheek...oh its ok babies there is plenty of desmond to go around..."

he has already mentioned me making one for him. geez...hes only 6!

boy am i in big trouble once puberty hits! lol

blessings,

tura

Currently listening :
From Under the Cork Tree
By Fall Out Boy
Release date: 03 May, 2005

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WHEN IT RAINS IT FUCKING POURS!
Current mood: pissed off
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

i went to the bank to deposit my award check from work today and couldnt. seems since it is a company check it has to be deposited and i am guessing that cheap fucker who owns the inn i work at knows it. unfortunately and rather conveniently he is out of town til friday and he is the only one with access to that inns account. otherwise the general manager could have taken care of things for me today. i called all pissed and said get me $500 in cash or i walk. she knows i am not fucking around. and ill call choice hotels and report the owner too so they lose their contract. hell hath no fury like a pissed of woman with mediterranean blood boiling! i have spent the past almost two and a half years being screwed in all sorts of ways by this company and i have just plain had it. they want a bitch on their hands, they got one! im told the situation can be rectified by saturday at the latest...as long as my rent goes in on time!

no matter what i am done. im looking for a new job. this is bullshit. that fucking asshole thinks he is gonna pocket money i won with my excellent...nay...perfect job performance. (that is what the certificate says...perfect score!!!) fuck that. i have always been one for sticking up for the little guy and that is me in this scenario.

grrrrrrrrrrrr!!! oh god i am so pissed off this morning!!! i am so sick of fucktards thinking they can get one over on me. there should be a bulletin to the effect that if anyone CANT be screwed over its me. dont let the big soulful eyes fool ya folks. i can be one vindictive fucker if need be.

oh yea...its also picture day at desmonds school. my boy was stylin'! i was kind of hoping that would be the focus of my blog today but i needed to get this rant out.

ok i feel a little better now, thanks for "listening".

love,

tura

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RI PAGAN PRIDE DAY IS THIS SATURDAY!!!
Current mood: excited
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Rhode Island Pagan Pride
Saturday, September 22nd 2007
Slater Memorial Park
Pawtucket, Rhode Island 02861
9:30am-6pm

Rhode Island Pagan Pride Day is one of many Pagan Pride Day events that take place worldwide.
Because many people have asked, we would like to state here that RIPPD is ALWAYS FREE!
(But a donation to Save the Bay would be greatly appreciated!)

So please join us for a fun-filled day, rain or shine, (shine, please shine!) in the park!
Beginning at 9:30am, RI Pagan Pride Day will be held at Slater Memorial Park, in a tree-lined field offering plenty of shade, and abundant parking. The field is next to the permanent food concession stands offering seafood, ice cream and other treats. There are many picnic tables, but we also encourage you to bring lawn chairs and picnic blankets.

The perimeters of the field will be filled with over thirty five merchants offering art, beautiful crafts, home made items such as candles, herbal remedies and pagan ritual tools like carved wooden wands, statuary for your sacred garden, garb for special occasions, books, crystals, and everything you could possibly desire to augment your home or altar! Please check out the Merchants section of our website for more details on vendors and readers - we will be updating it as the festival approaches.

We are offering twenty five workshops on a variety of topics, from beginner to advanced levels of complexity. We will be gradually loading the course descriptions and instructor biographies into the Workshops section, and will have a schedule posted as soon as it is finalized. Workshops will all be held under spacious tents in each of the four directions, North, East, South and West. At the end of the day, our Equinox Ritual will be held in the center grove between all the tents. This will be the culmination of Pagan Pride Day and all are welcome to participate in this gentle celebration of the harvest and blessings of the earth.

For your entertainment, we are delighted to present talented musicians from near and far. Their photos and bios are in the Entertainment section, and they include Trouz Bras, Kristi Martel, Kellianna, Jana Runalls, Jenna Greene and Skatha.
What to bring:
Lawn chairs, picnic blankets, your family and friends!

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MAYBE
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Blogging

Maybe ... we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe ... when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe ... it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe ... the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe ... the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures, and heartaches.

Maybe ... you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe ... there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child, your girlfriend/boyfriend -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe ... the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe ... you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe ... you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe ... giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe ... happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe ... you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one who makes your heart smile.

Maybe ... you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

Maybe ... you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling, but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Maybe ... you could send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life, to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it ... to those who make you see the brighter side of things : ) when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them and their friendship

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September 17, 2007 - Monday

IF THIS MORNING IS ANY INDICATOR OF THE REST OF MY WEEK, I AM GOING BACK TO BED! LOL
Current mood: sore
Category: Life

ok here it is in a nutshell...

last night i worked out and this morning i started to and i guess maybe i didnt wait long enough between workouts? plus i carried desmond part way to the bus stop when he hurt his foot...again. god he is definitely his mothers son! anyway i pulled a muscle in my upper back so i had to cancel my date with mike today.

which as it turns out was just as well since i would have had to call after my therapy appointment anyway when i got word that a water main had broken and there was no water at desmonds school. i was given a choice of picking him up or letting him go with the other kids to the junior high for movies in the gym. i didnt have absolute certainty about when or where hed be dropped off or what bus hed be on so i chose to pick him up. when i go there he jumped up and shouted thats my mommy! all proud and puffed up. he made a point of telling the other kids my entire name. lol then other kids came up to me and told me their mommys names. it was cute.

on the way home we decided to stop off at the office to get water and truffles so we ended up walking home the rest of the way, and i got my foot caught in a hole and i nearly fell on my ass. lol

so now i am at home taking it easy. looking forward to talking to mike later. and of course seeing him on saturday.

on the upside, i did have a good visit with my thereapist and i have some extra time with my kid so see ya!

love,

tura

Currently watching :
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Complete Sixth Season
Release date: 25 May, 2004

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September 16, 2007 - Sunday

HEY FRIENDS!!!
Current mood: artistic
Category: Blogging

think im gonna take it easy on the bulletins from now on. anything i have to say will be done via email, comment, im or blog. wanna keep up on my happenings? subscribe! subscribe! subscribe! (to my blog) and of course say hello any time. since i am narrowing my friend list and have now made my profile private...as in they need to know my last name or email address...in other words actually know me...to send a friend request, i am going to make an attempt to say hey more often. ive got a nice little bunch of on and offline pals here on myspace and i want to keep it that way. those of you near me...LETS GET TOGETHER AND HANG! i want to meet ya! you are all cool and i would be happy to have a beer, coffee, whatever with ya! i may be cute but creepy but i assure you i am totally harmless.. those of you a little further, if you are ever in the area...look me up!

oh yea and i changed the layout and song...again! lol my pics are still in the pic section but the slideshows were acting up and pissing me off. i have a bunch of albums in there that im gonna periodically add to and as i get more done artistically ill be adding a new album. ive been feeling a little inspired as of late and i think it is time i got back to that. :)

anyway i am done babbling so im gonna go play with my kid.

love,
tura

Currently listening :
Public Image
By Public Image Ltd.
Release date: 26 March, 1996

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