OK SO I NEARLY HAD A STROKE TONIGHT...THANKS DESMOND! Current mood: exhausted Category: Life
today started good enough. i was attacked around 7:30 am by a little munchkin full of hugs and kisses for mommy. we decided a morning snuggle was in order so we played hide from the sun under mommys covers before heading to thekitchen for some breakfast. mondays are not so bad when im off sunday and he has no school! heres to sleeping in for once!! yep, folks with no kids... 7:30am IS sleeping in! lol
we had eggs and toast with soy milk. after that was pillow fight and boogie time.
lunch was tuna sandwhiches with fruit punch. yum! followed by "the ant and the aardvark" (i fell asleep watching it for the billionth time and at some point he put himself down for a nap.) it was a cloudy, yucky do nothing day.
finally desmond awoke and got me out of my fog. we had dinner...pancakes!!!then it was homework and reading time.
after all homework was done we went outside since the sun was out at last. desmond wanted to ride his bike. everything was cool until, as usual he was more interested in what i was doing than where he was going and as fast as he was going he nearly collided with a car. IN CASE YOU ARE STILL WONDERING, THIS IS WHERE MY NEAR STROKE OCCURRED.
luckily the driver was paying attention. i think it took a good half hour for my heartbeat to return to normal and of course he had no idea why i was so upset. after a long talk i think i got it through to him. and i managed to not swear or go into hysetrics or yell. yay me! but it seemed to sink in. i told him i could lose everything else in the world and be ok but i cant lose my desmond because then id have nothing to live for. he apologized for scaring me and promised to practice safe bike riding.
we spent the last hour before bed time on his class' website looking at animals and matching the babies with the grown ups. he did a pretty good job. there is also a virtual pumpkin carving game too. he kicked ass on it. i was all set to print or save it so i could post it here but for some reason it doesnt print the carving, just the pumpkin . it also doesnt let you save the picture. lame. now he is sound asleep without a care in the world, only 19 minutes after being tucked in. must be nice.
WELL THIS WEEKEND TURNED OUT A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY THAN EXPECTED Current mood: cheerful Category: Blogging
i started my mood stablizer friday. its called lamictal. there is a definite feeling iambipolar too with emphasis on hypomania based on our assessmentthis week on how im feeling now that ive been on the other meds for a couple of months. im told it could take up to five weeks to feel the efects but ive felt SIDE effects as early as day one...most notably extremem dizziness which fortunately as passed now. there are some othermild ones that are expected to go away. luckily i am not allergic. i am told to expect great things from this med. very little occurance of serious side effects and i dont feel all spaced out which i was worried about. ok yea te first day i felt high but im good now. imfeeling rather optiistic on the mental health front.
got to hang with a friend for lunch and a trip to wally word on friday. saturday is when things started to turn.
ikind of wasntin the mood for a date with the new med and all so i was going to postpone but he ended up blowing me off anyway. problem solved i guess. i didnt care so what does that tell ya? so i spent the day cleaning like a fiend and relaxing after a nice hot shower with a good book. got a lot of productive stuff done too that ive been putting off so it ended up being a pretty good day.
today i was supposed to get together with a friend and our kids but infortunately she suffered a loss and understandably we didnt go out. my heart goes out to her and her family. as it turns out desmond was his usual unpleasantself uponreturning from daddy who spoils the shit out of him. so hes having a nice nap while i remain sane. :) less than ten minutes he was out cold. honestly, does the kid even sleep there? i know he has no bed time there. no way is he going to bed at 7pm like here. consitency folks! the kid needs it. when he wakes up around 4 ill get dinner ready and hell be my sweet baby again.
anyway that is more or less it. nothing overly drastic going on inmy life at present which is actually a good thing. i have a fairly busy week ahead, some things i intend to take care of and ill be sure to keep you all up on. one has to do with me returning to school in the spring! once myhead is screwed on right of course!!! yay! way to get back on track turaq!
OH HAPPY DAY!!! Current mood: jubilant Category: proud Life
today desmond did NOT get written up at school for the first time in a week!!!
WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!
if you are on his friend list go drop him a comment. and those who arent, drop in and say hi, just keep all comments kid appropriate. spooky is cool (hes talking reaper this year...again. lol) but super gorey and sexual obviously are not.
any and all encouragement to be a good boy in school is good and appreciated.. dont worry i can read any personal messages to him.
THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! Current mood: thankful Category: Friends
for everyone both near and far who has been so supportive whether it is about my path to mental wellness and a fuller life, troubles with desmond or my mom's recent illness. i just want to thank you from the bottom or my heart for the thougtfult words, encouragement, prayers and healing energy. much love to you and yours. no matter where you are in the world or if weve met in person or not, your friendship is much appreciated.
JUST CALL ME THE ENERGIZER BUNNY... Current mood: overtired, but jolly Category: overtired, but jolly Blogging
and no not cuz im a pink bunny banging on a drum or because of the obnoxious pink girliness of my new layout and no guys its not for THAT reason either(although i have never had a complaint! :) )
i am the energizer bunny because i have been running on fumes for nearly 72 ours with barely 8 hours of sleep.
why? you ask. well let me tell ya.
tuesday would have been restful except the fact that i had to sit up all damn day waiting for my new dishwasher. ive already blogged about it but that is where my lackof sleep begins. i tried to sleep in the afternoon but those with small children know how impossible that is when they are awake, and on to work i went with no sleep.
wednesday, managed to sleep a whole three and a half hours. just couldnt sleep. and this is with a paxil in my system! then i went out to the living room and heard my mom moaning in total agony. i pleaded with her to see a doctor. finally id had it and said when i get back from getting desmond off the bus your ass better be dressed. im making you go. so we went to a walk in clinic and wasted time and money and finally found ourselves at the emergency room where my mom spent the next 14 hours. desmond was extremely well behaved but by 9pm i knew i had to get the poor kid to bed and since i had to take him to work with me...no sitter...i had to stop at my place to get stuff for him and my uniform...totally forgetting my shoes and wearing sneakers to work. whoops! good thing i work in a hotel so he had a quiet room to sleep in. of course knowing he was there and might try wandering around the hotel by himself, i couldnt sleep at all on the sofa like i normally do. the worrying about my mom didnt help matters.
my mom was released early tursday morning against doctors orders. i wasnt there to strap her down to a hospital bed or she would have stayed. she beat us home. i slept just over 4 hours and once again just woke up. desmond was exhausted so he stayed home and drove my mom nuts the whole time i slept. turns out she has an infection in her belly. i went to see my shrink who is pretty much convinced i am bipolar 2 now and put me on a mood stablizer. we will see whats up in five weeks with that. i went to walmart to pick up my moms prescriptions and was there for an hour. found a cute little captain jack sparrow costume for desmond though. last one in his size too! had a friend stash it for me for tomorrow night. finally i get home and ive missed my brothers visit. desmond is bugging me for pancakes which i make and he takes two bites before saying he is tired. his room is trashed and i am so far beyond caring.i lie down and cant sleep. so i get up and change my layout and now i am here. i am so gonna sleep after the audit tonight! lol oh and tomorrow too. oh yea. that cell phone is getting shut off and no one better wake me up or they will DIE! lol for this reason i changed the delivery of my groceries to saturday, and it looks like i have a date of sorts. i had debated rescheduling but wat the hell. whats another weekend of no sleep? to go with the week of no sleep ive had. sunday we are hanging out with a friend of mine and her kid who is friends with desmond. tomorrow i am going out for brunch and a costume at wally world. i just dont know how to let myself rest do i?
ill have plenty of time to rest when im dead, right?
BIGOTRY AND HATRED IN ANY FORM IS NOT TOLERATED BY THE RANCID ONE! Current mood: pissed off Category: Friends
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BIGOTRY AND HATRED NOT TOLERATED HERE!!
i got this offline im...
ichewbox65: (10/02/2007 02:28 AM): What are you a nigger lover or something .?
so his sorry ass had to go. buh bye. but not befoe i told him what a worthless racist pieceof shit he is. if anyone else has a problem with this do us all a favor and delete your ignorant ass from my friend list as my friends and i dont have the time or interest to deal with your kind. my page is a love only zone.
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i welcome any and all mature adults who can appreciate our differences, not just embrace what is the same.
ill keep all my racially and culturally diverse, lesbian, gay, bi, tran/sexual/gender, pagan,satanist,atheist, agnostic, liberal, christian, republican, white, and otherwise "wrong" friends over ignorant,misinformed hatemongers any day so a note to all you haters...
KINDLY PISS OFF AND LEAVE MY SPACE. YOU ARE NOT WANTED OR NEEDED!!! I SUPPORT FREEDOM OF SPEECH BY ALL MEANS BUT WHAT I DO NOT SUPPORT IS WHEN THAT FREEDOM IS ABUSED TO PROMOTE HATE AND POLLUTE MY WORLD ESPECIALLY WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CHECK MY FRIENDS TO SEE IF I AM "WORTHY".
HEY GUYS YOU READY FOR A RANT? HEHE YOU KNOW YOU WANT ONE! Current mood: peaceful Category: Blogging
yes? well geez, now i am gonna have to disappoint ya. sorry but the past few days have actually been pretty sweet.
still wanna know about it? then read on...
well aside from desmond being written up twice for using the "f" word at school friday was good. on the way to school we gathered up leaves, acorns and pine cones since he had to bring in signs of fall for school. he even gave me a kiss and hug before i left, not giving a rats ass who saw. thats my boy!!! already an individual. i am really gonna miss those walks to and from school with him.
saturday i slept for a few after work and got to hang out with a really nice guy from my myspace friends list. hard to say where this will go but i can honestly say i had a good time and at the very least he is even more of a friend having spent time with him. i dont want to embarrass him or make him blush so i wont say his name but big hugs to him and warm smiles. (you know who you are!) after we parted ways i whistled while i worked on tidaying up my apartment and dreaded yet another long night at work. actually i didnt dread. i was in too good a mood to let work spoil it.
sunday morning i found out from the general manager that i topped my own top score( the one that got me that sweet $500 prize). now i am once again eligible for that or maybe even $1000 this time! woot! she smiled. and let me tell you a smile on that womans face is the most horrific thing i have ever seen. she was way too nice. i think the pod people got her. she offered me a ride home. my first thought was a very terrified "noooooo i dont want to ride in the crypty-mobile! it reeks of cigarettes and death and ass!!!! " luckily i had the perfect excuse to decline...my mom was gonna be hopping in my cab to go to work and i wasnt gonna leave her hanging.
when i got home i slipped into paxil induced oblivion. at 6pm my son came home from his dads. it was a short night for us as his bedtime is 7pm.
today he rode his new bus.his suspension is over. it is actually his old bus from when he did pre k in a different middletown school. they remembered him, he remembered them and it was a happy reunion. i felt so much better knowing these ladies had desmond in their care to and from school. i should have used this bus in the first place!hindsight is 20/20 right? anyway he got written up again for pushinga boy for taking his backpack but no "f" word so hey...progress. he seems to be better off without the melatonin too. that was my decision. and im not even a doctor. go figure.
here is my theory on desmond...
hes naturally igh strung and has had a lot to deal with in the past year alone...three moves and three schools plus a mom who seriously needed to chill out and take care of her own demons. that is a lot for a kid.
i dont believe he is adhd nor do i think he has any mental issues. i believe that now that mommy is taking better care of herself, the time i have with him, along with the help of a therapist for him to vent to til he feels better is all he needs. watch, ill bet you that $1000 prize im right. did i mention im not even a doctor?
what a bunch of dumbasses.
in the meantime i will consistently reassure him we are here to stay and that i love and support him. he knows now that he can talk to me about anything including being mad at me and i will love him and be proud of him no matter what. that was a major breakthrough. im gonna help this child with or without his worthless dads help.
i am looking hard for a day job. my mom is trying to pull some nepo-strings at walmart to get me in there and the manager seems pretty keen on the idea since i have her strong work ethic.des and i both need me back on days and sleeping at home at night. wish me luck on that folks!
and so you have it...life is a pretty sweet fruit.
blessings,
ventura
Currently listening : Short Sharp Shocked By Michelle Shocked Release date: 23 September, 2003
A MOST WELCOME REMINDER FROM A FRIEND... Current mood: inspired Category: inspired Blogging
thx spellcaster!!!
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
Visualize what you want. See it, feel it, believe in it. Your mind is your mental workshop. You can build anything you want in it.
Make your mental blueprint and then begin construction. See things as you would have them be instead of as they are.
Use your imagination to perceive your new reality even when it's not fully materialized. Remember, you must first clearly see a thing in your mind before you can do it or have it.
Your imagination will show you how to turn possibility into reality. The beginning of your success is in your imagination. First think, then organize your thoughts into plans. Then transform your thoughts into reality by taking some positive action.
See the things you want as already yours. Think of them as yours, as belonging to you, as already in your possession. Picture yourself as having already achieved your goal.
Dreams and ideas can cross continents and oceans. They go anywhere you can go.
I THINK I MAY HAVE SPOKEN TOO SOON ABOUT ULTIMATE TORTURE... Current mood: drained Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
i just got cussed out on the phone by my drunk supervisor over shit i had nothing to do with after barely sleeping the past 48 hrs. i have already topped the school open house in less than an hour at work. i am so close to walking out the door right now.
MAYBE ME GETTING CANNED IS WHAT I NEED TO GET FORCED ONTO DAYS AGAIN AND MY MOM WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO QUIT MCDONALDS AND GET A SIT DOWN JOB THAT ACTUALLY PAYS WHAT SHE IS WORTH???
I REALLY AM NOT SURE HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ABUSE I CAN TAKE BEFORE I GO COMPLETELY POSTAL. I NEED OUT BAAAAD!!!
and these drunk fuckers in my lobby need to piss off and go to their rooms!!!
Rancid Jezebel is lucky to have survived the ultimate torture... Current mood: grateful Category: Life
...open house at an elementary school with an overtired 6 yr old..
to those who have gone before me and lived to tell the tale i salute you. thank the goddess i only have one kid! that one hour was sheer torture. ok sure there was fun..
desmond showed around and introduced me to friends and there was a slideshow(his teacher is emailing me the pics of him so i can put them up here.) i also got to sign up as a parent volunteer and there were goodies.
but it was too hot, too noisey and the microphone the principle used was up waaaay too high and his mouth too close. plus desmond bugged me all night to go outside and use the telescope i bought him at the book fair. turns out during our half hour wait for a cab we were able to view the moon close up which was cool except he kept knocking the thing off the wall and whining about not being tired and wanting to stay up.
less than a minute after hitting the pillow he was out. yaaaaaaaaay!
and tomorrow i get to walk him to school again only i have no plans but SLEEP. tomorrow is going to bemy favorite day so far. and today was payday! imagine that!
SOME QUESTIONS FOR THE FELLAS Current mood: impressed Category: Friends
im getting such a positive response to this post i thought id keep it going. you guys are making me all warm and fuzzy. MUAH!
love, tura
----------------------------- i am getting a lot of "ask me questions" lately so i figured id post this for any guy who wants to answer them for me....
send it to me...dont repost.
well my brain is a little fried but here are a few questions... dont worry, none are about your favorite color...
1 what drew you to me...be honest. something on my profile made me stand out.
2 if we were seeing each other and i asked you to go to something you werent really into but meant a lot to me would you...
go and at least try and have a good time...since id do the same for you, not go and promise to make it up to me, or go and sulk the whole time.
3. how superficial are you on a scale of 1 to 10?(everyone is at least a little)
4. how do you feel abut kids?
5. what is the biggest turn off about a woman? THE deal breaker.
6. would you support my right to be pagan if your friends and family were totally against it? (im not saying choose me or them, just stick up for me, stand up to them.)
7. what was your best relationship experience? your worst?
8. who is your best friend and why?
9. what is your opinion on someone who takes medications for psychiatric reasons...not homicidally insane or anything...but for a chemical imbalance? this person of course is otherwise totally normal.
10. give me a rundown of you...job, interests, personal beliefs and philosophies, family, marriage history, etc. the basic stats.
ps doesnt it feel good to share?
Currently listening : On How Life Is By Macy Gray Release date: 27 July, 1999
THANKS TO MY GUY FRIENDS... Current mood: impressed Category: Friends
i am getting a lot of interesting responses from you guys on the questions bulletin i posted. it is definitely reminding me there really are decent menfolk out there and its amazing how much we are alike on the inside. you guys are definitely raising the bar for me in regards to the men i choose to date so pat yourselves on the back cuz YOU ROCK!
love, tura
Currently listening : On How Life Is By Macy Gray Release date: 27 July, 1999
FEELIN’ BLAH ALL OVER... Current mood: blah Category: Blogging
no no no...its not about that guy. meh. im so over that. first time out of the gate after billy remember? and i was losing interest before the roadside incident.
no my blah is closer to home. its me. and my lack of thyroid med since my doc has dragged his ass about calling the pharmacy and authorizing the refill. so ive been off it for two days and once i hit day three im gonna be useless. good thing i at least have my klonapin to at least take the edge off the moodiness i have been feeling all day. that is handled by a different doc.
i also have a sinus headache which isnt helping my mood much and my keyboard on my laptop is sticking all over. especially the space bar so now i have to use the work computer. meh again i say. not the most comfy position in the world to stand between the desk and the big ass printer where the work computer is. im kind of twisted funny. ok i was referring to my body folks, not my personality. lol
good news! my sense of humor is still fully intact. hooray! i may be off for a few days once i get home in the morning to give my med a chance to kick in. all i want to do is sleep right now. my last two arrivals better hurry up and check in! that couch is looking mighty tempting over yonder and that thar lobby!
in the meantime everyone have a great week and ill see you soon!
love,
tura
Currently listening : Chants: Ritual Music By Reclaiming Community Release date: 16 October, 1997
exhausted 
cheerful 
jubilant 
thankful 
pissed off 
peaceful 
drained 
grateful 
impressed 
blah 
